A Feeling of Failure
A person who is in a relationship with someone who is reluctant to make a commitment often harbors a feeling of failure, but they should recognize it has little or nothing to do with them. Partners who are not willing to commit to a long term relationship have a variety of reasons, but many of them boil down to a lack of responsibility. Recognizing that this is their issue is the first step in recovery for many, and they should leave the relationship if they are unwilling to continue waiting any longer.
One of the reasons people stay in a relationship with a partner who refuses to commit is due to the belief their partner’s reasons have a basis in fact. Many people with commitment phobias are practiced in giving good excuses, and they unconsciously study their partner over time to come up with them. They are ready when the arguments begin, and it should be seen that their practiced delivery is nothing more than preparedness to defend their own behavior.
Being involved in a relationship should give each person a say in how it will progress, and a person who refuses to progress at all is one who is unwilling to make a commitment. Rather than feeling they have failed as a partner, the person who is the victim of this behavior should see it as a red flag that heralds the end of the relationship. The faults they are given as reasons for not making a commitment are those of their partner, and their failure to get that commitment has little to do with their own personality or actions.
There are many red flags that signal a bad relationship, and being blamed for the other person’s refusal to progress within the relationship is one of them. If they have ready excuses when the subject comes up, it should be changed from a discussion about commitment to one about ending the relationship.